i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Randomize
