I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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