Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
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