South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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