Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
