you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
