Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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