I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
