i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
