I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
