did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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