Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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