That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
