Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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