Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
