this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
