i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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