Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I party with great urgency now.
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