It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
