The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
