Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
They have beer where we have blood.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Randomize
