there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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