Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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