Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
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