my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize