I'm really into asian looking animals
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize