I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
