The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I got her a Nickelback box set.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
