Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
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