Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
