She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
is it fun? or sober?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
