Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
He had one of those small greek statue penises
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
