do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
