btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
