my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
