My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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