dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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