i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
