**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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