So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
