four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
