you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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