sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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