I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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