The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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