dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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