I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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