I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
