need another drink. this is the easiest way
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Randomize
