You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
