Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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