Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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