that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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