my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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