I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
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