If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Randomize