Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
