hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize