there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I FOUND THE LEGS
I am never drinking with the goths again.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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