I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
