walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
