I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
