i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
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