please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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