The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
