Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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