So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
