i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
