I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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