I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
this will be a night to untag.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
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