You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
