it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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