Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
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