just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize