4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
my shit smells like andre
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
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