Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
