I'm sorry my penis didn't work
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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