How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
