I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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