I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize