she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
