Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
