she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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