...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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