My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
