Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize