Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
