Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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