You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
