Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
