Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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