it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
