So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize
