how can u be prego again
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
