community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
