So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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